"Seeing Each Other"

Should the Bride and Groom See Each Other Before the Ceremony

This is a question that every bride and groom should consider.  Should the photographs of the couple be taken before the wedding or after.  Below are experiences of several hundred weddings.

The tradition of not seeing each other before the ceremony started because most weddings were arranged.  The bride and groom's first meeting was at the alter.  They had never even see each other until the veil was lifted for the groom to kiss his new bride.  Thank God, that is not the case anymore.  Some think it is bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other before the ceremony.  Let me tell you, LUCK has nothing to do with a marriage.

Prior to fifteen years ago, this tradition was still in full force.   Most wedding couples had as many photographs before the wedding as possible without seeing each other.  Then after the ceremony is over they would unite and take the remaining photographs.  This results in the same groups being called up twice.  In order to keep the bride and groom from seeing each other, you were constantly bringing one group out of hiding and the other group would disappear.  This is very stressful for all concerned.  More importantly, reduces the quantity and quality of the photographs of the bride and groom together, and let's face it, it's your wedding day and you want as many beautiful and romantic photographs of the two of you together as possible.

Consider minimal amount of traditional wedding photographs that you want taken at your wedding, after the ceremony and before going to the reception, if you choose not to see each other before.  First we have to round up all that will be involved.  Below, is a list of traditional must have photographs.

1)  The bride and groom alone

2)  The bride and groom with the wedding party

3)  The bride and groom with both sets of parents

4)  The bride and groom with individual sets of parents

5 ) The bride and groom with the minister

How many photographs of the bride and groom alone do you want in different settings and in romantic poses?  How about grandparents with the bride and groom?  Maybe a few outdoors.  Each photograph requires time to set up.

During this time, the guest, some that has come many miles to be with you on your wedding day, are waiting for the newlyweds arrival.  After all, you are who they came to see.  Since the duration of each guest can stay varies, a couple risks sharply decreasing the time they will have with those guests who need to leave early.

But what about the grand entrance to the ceremony?  Would seeing each other before the wedding kill the thrill?  Hardly.  The brides and grooms that see each other before the ceremony all say that the excitement when you hear the wedding march, the bride dramatically appearing, all the guest rise in honor, as she walks down the aisle to join her groom is always thrilling.  The dream that brides have of that moment is intact.

In contrast, those who wait to see each other at the ceremony, found themselves so nervous they don't remember the experience.  Stage fright is rampant.  You arrive at the alter, how can he be himself:  He can't kiss you, tell you how beautiful you are, how lovely you look in your wedding dress, how long he has waited for this moment, and hugs aren't allowed.

Perhaps the first time the bride and groom see each other on their wedding day can be richer when it's for their eyes only rather than on stage.

Consider personal experience.  Imagine the experience of doing photographs after the wedding.  The couple has just come down the aisle to congratulations, hugs, and emotions.  Then, per their request, in steps the photographer, "It's picture time."  How desirable is it for them to interrupt this intense, joyous moment?  There's a break in the flow.

In addition, women realize their hair, makeup and dresses just won't do for their pictures and promptly head for the ladies room.  Family and wedding attendants are scattered-conversing, getting a drink, attending to their own agendas.  Group pictures take longer to assemble then.  Impatience grows.  And some people, either not knowing or regretting that they're to be in a picture, miss out.  There's an anxiety.  Everyone wants to be at the party, yet they want and need to be in the photos.  It's a feeling easily at risk of showing up on the photograph.

Now imagine the experience of seeing each other before the ceremony.  We create a very romantic first meeting of the bride and groom in their wedding attire either in a private parlor or in the sanctuary.  The bride is all fresh, and we pose her to look her best in her beautiful wedding gown.  We then invite the groom in to behold his lovely bride, and perhaps photograph his first expression or their first embrace before we leave them alone.  During this time the bride and groom hug, admire each other, exchange gifts and whisper sweet things in one another's ear that they wouldn't get a chance to if they hadn't had this time together.  This is their "private time!"  Likely, this is the only time the couple will have alone together until the end of the day.

After about 5 or 10 minutes, we will knock on the door to see if the bride and groom are ready to began photographs.  Once, when I re-entered the room, the bride was reclining with her shoes off and the groom was massaging her feet.  Of course, I had to get photographs of that!

There's also a different look to photographs done before versus after.  Our experience is that there's really quite a different look to photographs taken before versus after the ceremony.  Before everything is just so.  After the months of planning, the flowers are at their peak, hair and makeup is finely tuned, the kids are still clean, and there's an air of anticipation. 

Strangely, when the bride and groom see each other before the ceremony, they are relaxed...time is on their side.  Everyone is relaxed and less stressed.  You get to enjoy the most special day of your life with all your loved ones instead of hiding out in some small room.  You can actually share the day with your groom.  After the ceremony is over, you get to join your guest at the reception immediately.

It's up to the bride and groom.  The decision is completely yours.  As a professional photographer, I am clear that I am working for my client.  It's your wedding.  My professional obligation is to ensure that you choice is an informed one and that you are clear about the tradeoffs.  From my years as a photographer, I've heard many, many couples express how glad they were that they choose to see each other and had the photographs taken before the ceremony.

Scheduling the photographs before the ceremony isn't just a nice suggestion, it's a valuable investment tip.  This means maximizing time with friends and family, getting the best expressions on film and enjoying a smooth flow.  It makes a difference not only in the photographs, but in the whole wedding day experience.